Her Bathroom Stall

She ducks into the bathroom stall
To write.

To write things she cares about.
Things other people care about.
Things no one cares about.

She just writes.

She steals into the stall-
The one with the broken lock
Hanging from its silver hinges-
And pulls out the black pen-
The one with the insurance company name
On its glossy surface-
And puts the tip to the wall-
The one with her past phrases and poems
Printed across its blue face-
And
She
Writes.

Writes because her mother can't afford paper,
Writes because her father can't afford love
Writes because her favorite book-
The one with the author's signature
And the words "Never give up!" on it-
Was thrown out because her parents know nothing about her
And her brother is too dead to stick up for her.

She turns back to the stall wall.

She reads everything she's written before today-
Reads the love poem
With the winky face at the end
And a heart around the title-
Alex.

Reads the sloppy paragraph
About loving someone who you don't deserve
And hating every second of it.

Reads the verses about a bloody car crash
With the letters R.I.P. written bigger than anything else
Underneath her brother's name
In cursive.

Reads the phrase she scrawled
In moods good and bad:

"Never give up!"
"Never give up!"
"Never give up!"

Reads the responses other people
Carved into the peeling paint,
Some flattering,
Others hurtful,
And she lingers on the one
Done in purple Sharpie that the
Overalled janitors had tried to wipe away
With useless Dawn soap
And water from the tap-

"FAGGOT"

She cringes when she sees it
In all its dirty glory-
Wants to shout back at it,
Tell it that she's not gay
But what's the point in lying to herself?
They all knew Alex was a girl.

"Never give up!"

"FAGGOT"

In frustration,
She scribbles everything out-
The love poem,
The paragraph,
The phrases,
The phrases,
The phrases,
The giant
FAGGOT.

Then, beside the huge cloud
Of black curls and dashes
She writes in tiny letters:
"I hate myself."

She wasn't sure if anyone would ever see,
But then,
Just in case they would,
She writes
"Goodbye."

Time passed,
And months later,
Everyone wondered how she managed
To hang a rope from the old school's banisters.



By: Serena                              Age: 15