Dear Mr. Disney

Dear Mr. Disney,

After all the pinky-promises
and karoke night's I wasted singing " A whole New World"
I now realize that you have plagued me
like breast cancer.
I've tasted you're forbidden fruit,
Only now do I know that you're apples
are poisioned and rotten to the core.
I look back on the entire two shelves of my closet
dedicated to you're slutty Halloween costumes,
and my three shelves filled with the "25th ANIVERSY MOVIE ADDITION! GET IT BEFORE IT GOES BACK TO THE DISNEY VAULT!".
I think of all the summer vacations I wasted
being drowned in you're "dias ex machina"
and at this rate?
I'm rooting for Cruela DeVille,
Because there are 104 problems with 101 dalmations.

You've fed me hand to mouth,
brainwashed me clear of thoguhts,
and made me Princess Perfect. or so I belvied.
You listed out what a true princess should be.
Frigile enough to brake by a pea under a matress
And not forgetting to add in "Sleepy's. For the rest of you're life..."
You've taught me many life long lesson
of romance and radience.

The true lessons behind every disney movie:


echem.

"If you fall in love with someone, stalk them and genetically modify yourself for them. After all, why be a beautiful enchanted mermaid princess, when you can be human?"


"Being the fairest in the land is more important than a relationship with your step daughter."


"True love is when a hairy-monster beats down you're door and says
IF YOU DON"T EAT WITH ME YOU DON'T EAT AT ALL
it also means that he wants you to be thin"


"It's important to be the fairest of them all. Don't go in the sun. Just stay in the kitchen."
"Speaking of, if you need help cleaing the dishes, invite in some rabid animals to help."


"If everyone wants to kill you, that's a good sign. it just means that you're the prettiest".


"If you're ugly you can be the hero, but you will still never get the girl."


I give up.

I should just wait in a tower
for some guy I don't know to save me
and then marry him.

Because love isn't something that grows.
If two people are beautiful they should be together.
And if you're not beautiful?
Well, you can fly around London breaking into little boy's nursury's and telling them
"YOU CAN FLY! YOU CAN FLY! YOU CAN FLY!"

But really: you're just saying that
It's ok to run away from all your problems.
life is botox, taxes and death.
Eventually you will grow fat and undesirable
and you are just as well off as a disney villian.

Or, you can always hit you're head
and jump down a rabbit hole.
Or smoke pot. That works too.

Fairygodmothers may grant wishes,
but what about their dreams?

So the next time you kiss a frog in hopes that it turns out to be Prince Charming,
I hope you get warts.

Or even worse,
he ends up being a prince and you live happily ever after.
Becasue after happily ever after?

Is seven kids running around,
fearing a dragon or something like that.
Another lonely night where "Prince Charming" is off rescuing another princes.
Seriously, is there really only one Prince in the world?

Choke on the apple core,
prick you're manicured hand on a spindle,
get locked up ni a tower,
turn into a beast,
lose your voice,
I don't care.
GET LOST.

Write a movie about that,
and then come talk to me.
Because from this piont on?
I am DONE drinknig the koolaid.

No matter how cool you're new pixart film looks,
I will not give into youre depiction of a another
damsel in distress,
awaiting her prince.

So Dear Princess,
Get off you're lazy butt and slay the dragon yourself.
I heard E-harmony works pretty well,
or better yet
walk off into you're own damn sunset.
Looking Amazing and doing it on your own.

Becuase you're worth it.