How To Spell Love

I'm a fool

But I'm not stupid.

So don't think I don't feel the arrows in my back

When I turn and hug you

Saying it is going to be okay.

And yes: I was lying.

Because nothing is the way you need it to be,

I thought I could lean on you

But I fell down into the grave

You dug as you buried me under

Your guilt and this feeling

You like to spell out on your forehead

Like a neon sign.

Labels.

All over us;

Like skin almost, but not.

Seeping into my veins with words of truth and exaggeration.

Hello my name is...

Not important.

But what is, is the placement.

See you stamp it out in block letters over every surface you see

Claim it to be yours.

You see, I am not yours.

I am me.

Mine.

And this label you try to brand into my memory

Like it's been here all this time

And you’re the only one who sees it.

But you’re not that special.

I see it, I just don't hear the bells

Until you clang them against my forehead ringing them

Into my cerebral asking me if

I can feel it now.

You tell me to spell out the ways I love you;

I can barley even say I love you to myself,

And I can certainty not say I love you to someone who

Holds hands with barbwire wrists

And uses they're lips for cursing the others that pursue kisses

Don't ask me to spell out love for you.

It's something you feel.

.

.

.

I don't feel anything anymore.